That Moment When You Know the Cake is Done, Before the Timer Goes Off

Watching the morning news...I never do that, but it's  passing the time.

That's what we're waiting for...for those of you who bake by instinct, like me, you understand exactly what I mean. I last wrote to you from my couch, where I'd been ordered to stay until further notice. Since then, a lot has happened very quickly. I was a good girl for three weeks, laying down most of the time while everyone in my family tried to fill in for me. I must say that I'm so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and the unhesitating manner in which my family rose to the challenge. When I asked my younger brother if he could come help and play Uncle Mom, he never once complained or acted as if he had anything else he's rather be doing. My Mom worked all day and then came straight over to help in the evenings while my husband was working, and backing up my brother.
So, that went on for almost a month, which is hard to believe in hindsight, as it went by so quickly. Then, my husband brought me in for an ultrasound and to update my doctor on how the bed rest was working to bring my blood pressure down. We sat in the dimly lit ultrasound room, chatting pleasantly with the technician doing the exam. She seemed to get more focused and quiet, then she said that the Radiologist would be in as soon as he looked at the pictures. I had a feeling...Then our wonderful radiologist came in to complete the exam, as usual. He is always so warm and funny, more like a good friend than a doctor. He's cared for us at every opportunity since my first pregnancy. He wasn't his usual, perky self. He started to explain the concerns and risks of my hypertension and that things didn't look like we wanted them to at this point. Ella is only a little over 3lbs, which is in 12th percentile for 32 weeks. He also said it looked as though the umbilical cord and placenta seemed compromised. I am paraphrasing, but basically, my whole body, including the part directly linked to Ellowyn's care and development, is over stressed. The immediate question became how much longer the baby was safer on the inside than she would be if we deliver by cesarean section.
The concerns of having a premature baby at 32 weeks are these: her lungs may not be fully developed, or prepared for the involuntary act of breathing as needed, she may not be prepared to eat by mouth or to swallow safely and she is literally skin and bones, without any subcutaneous fat layers to help her maintain her body heat. At least, those were the concerns on Wednesday, when this all swung into motion.
I was ordered to the hospital so that we could both be monitored. I have been given two steroid injections that are supposed to increase the surfactant on Ella's lungs, so that she'll be better able to breathe outside the womb. The ideal is to give at least 24 hours for the second dose to kick and start working. Friday at 4pm was that 24 hour mark. As of Thursday morning, Doctor Jones was not sure we would be able to wait that long. It's now Saturday, and praise the Lord, Ella is 32 weeks and 5 days. It doesn't sound like a big difference, but I'm told that every day she stays in my belly, is two days less she may need to stay in NICU.
We are just watching and waiting. My blood pressure has been up and down, but so far it hasn't hit the scary, "lets go to the O.R." mark and the baby is strong and her heart is beating loudly, telling everyone who enters the room that she's fine and feisty!
So, back to my title, I'm sitting in a hospital bed, with 8 days left until Christmas, waiting for the doctors to get the feeling that it's time. There is a tiny chance that, if my pressure would stabilize, I could even go home for Christmas, still pregnant! All your prayers are appreciated. We are at peace, knowing that every good thing comes from the Lord and that he is guiding every decision made on our behalf. Merry Christmas!!

Been Too Gone, For Too Long

Ellowyn Bryanne at 20 weeks.

So sorry that I haven't posted in awhile. I have been dealing with, or I should say, we as a family, have been dealing with some new challenges. The first, and now the least of these, was a broken oven. It broke 6 days before Thanksgiving. Because of warranty issues and the joy of having people who are not inconvenienced with a broken oven in charge of when and how the oven was replaced, we didn't get a new oven until late on Monday after Thanksgiving. Here's the funniest part...I haven't been able to use it yet. On that same Monday, I went to my OB doctor for a follow-up, since my blood pressure had been creeping higher over the past month. We had already tried two different medications and increased doses, to no avail. So, I came home from the doctor's office with a strict bed rest order and a threat of hospital admission if that didn't work. I'm very blessed because my family has rallied around and come to my rescue. I have a brother who travels with his job, but thankfully is off for a few months over the holidays. He has been so gracious as to come play Uncle-Mom and corral my children and help with dinners several days a week. My mom has been coming over after working all day to help until the kids get to bed. My husband has been working full-time, then on his days off, playing full-time Mr. Mom. My sister has been driving the kids to school. It's truly a family affair at my house these days, with me sitting on the couch, pretending to still be in charge.
Now, for those of you who are mothers, whether you work outside of your home or you are a full-time homemaker, I know you can understand how many simple tasks you perform, automatically, for your family that make the day easier. Or, if you're like me, you may not understand until you suddenly have to stop. I have sometimes thought of how much I could do with my time once the children are in school and I had my day to myself. I now realize that, even if at a sometimes leisurely pace, I still got a lot done everyday. Now, I sit around wondering if the kids have enough clean clothes for the week, if my husband has packed enough food for his lunch at work, has anyone fed the dogs, etc. Everyone is working so hard to fill in, but it's hard to explain every detail of my routine when I do it often without a second thought.
Well, as of this Monday, I'm 31 weeks along. So only 8-9 weeks to go, which sounds like an eternity. I am so grateful, though, for my doctor and my family. I'm also using this as a time to walk (figuratively) in faith, or as my pastor's wife put it, "Instead of leaning on Jesus, you need to lay on Jesus."
Truer words were never spoken, since I have to lay on my left side for the majority of the time. The praise report is, after a week and a half of bed rest and medication cocktail, my blood pressure has been normal again and so far, Baby Ella seems completely oblivious to my body's rebellion. Thank God, she is growing normally and very lively. In fact, she seems more active now that I'm less active. I wonder if she was being rocked to sleep while I ran around every day and now she's awake more often. I have more time to wonder these days.

Choosing Your Battles & Having McDonald's On Your Side

We set out this morning around 7:45 to drop kids at school and then on to an OB appointment, followed by an appointment with our investments representative, then a quick stop for one last item on my grocery list. By "we" I mean my youngest, Declyn, and myself. If you would like a recipe, here's a very easy one:

31lb of Two Year Old Boy
2-4 Hours of Intermittent Periods of Confinement (Dr.'s office, exam rooms, car, etc.)
Car Preheated to 90+ degrees
Breakfast Food Optional (According to my two year old, who only ate one bite of breakfast burrito)
Throw in Some Peanut Butter Crackers and a Baggie of Pretzels
Stir

Oh, did I forget to mention that this is a recipe for a melt-down? That's what we have come to call the "I''m tired and hungry and fed up with sitting still and I don't understand why I can't climb or run or play now but I can't explain that because I've reached the point of no return and my good humor expired 30 minutes ago" tantrum. While we have never allowed tantrums, and thankfully, my children aren't often given to these outbursts, periodically the planets all out of alignment or something, and you get a look at the beast hiding inside all of us.
Today, I was singing like a maniac, at the top of my lungs, over the screaming of my fit-to-be-tied little angel. I was doing this because he was acting up in the store and I decided to put off this errand until he had lunch and nap. He did not agree. What I had not anticipated, was that the only thing that would make him more upset than sitting in the cart would be to get back in the car to head home. So I, while singing his favorite song, did the math in my head. I figured how long he's been going, how little real food he'd had all day, and decided that we would need to make an emergency stop at McDonald's. There is something soothing in the fries there. Now, not to be accused of bribing a child to stop screaming, I must explain further. I told him he must stop screaming or he would miss out on those fragrant, salty fries. He was still stubborn and whimpering, but 5 minutes after we pulled back onto the highway for home, he finally apologized and asked for fries. And that beautiful silence that set in. As we got off at our exit, he said, "Thank you, Mama, for the fries." Aaaahhh. The sweetest sound next to silence. We got home and got a nap. He awoke his usual sunny self and I stopped considering sedatives (for me, not him).
I'm thankful we don't have these days often. It's hard sometimes, trying to fit in everything you have to get done, while working around the needs of a young child. However, even if I add up all the days like these, when I start to question whether I should even be allowed to have children, it doesn't compare to the many other days. The real joy is in the attempt, and the payoff is totally worth it!

Midnight Meringues and Mixing in the Laundry Room

The other night I was awake and craving something sweet. My husband was at work and my youngest had fallen asleep on the couch (he's not feeling well), so I was on my own. I thought about meringue cookies and decided that was just the thing. I didn't want to wake anyone, though, so I took my hand mixer into the laundry room. Then, using the washing machine as my counter top, I whipped up some very pretty, opalescent, stiff egg whites. I had a sense of the ridiculous and giggled a bit, but that made it even more fun. Now, my favorite meringue cookies are mint cocoa, but I was out of cocoa and chocolate chips. The only chocolate in the house was a little bottle of chocolate sprinkles. Done! I put my peppermint extract in and then, as a finishing touch, I dotted the little dollops of meringue with chocolate sprinkles. The result was delicious and subtle. I'll warn you, though, that midnight meringues are not for the faint of heart or the must-have-it-nows. It takes at least an hour in the oven, so it is a commitment. Totally worth it! Here's my recipe. You can add in any flavor or food coloring. These are fun at Easter with pastels.

Meringue Cookies
2 Egg Whites
3/4 C. White Sugar
1/8 Tsp Salt
1/8 Tsp Cream of Tartar
1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
Optional:
1/2 Tsp Peppermint Extract
1/2 C. Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
1/2 C. Mini Chocolate Chips
1/4 Tsp Food Coloring
Colored Sugar
Nonpareils

Preheat oven to 275 degrees. It a mixing bowl, whisk egg whites, salt and cream of tartar until eggs are light and frothy. Now you need the mixer. Starting on low speed, mix the egg whites and slowly add in the sugar. Once you have incorporated all your sugar, you can add the vanilla and any other flavors. Increase your mixer speed to medium and continue mixing for several minutes. You'll notice that the mixture starts to look creamy and thickens up. It will also double in size before you are finished. It takes a good 10 minutes before you get stiff peaks, meaning that when you turn off the mixer and pull it out of the bowl, the meringue stretches and streams behind, leaving little peaks. If you want to add cocoa powder or chips, gently fold them in with a spatula. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Using a teaspoon, drop little, imperfect dollops of meringue on the cookie sheet. For the more advanced you can put the meringue in a pastry bag and pipe onto the cookie sheet with a decorative tip. These are whimsical and cute, so don't obsess about making them round or even. Top off with any sprinkles and put in the oven for at least 45 minutes. I usually turn my oven off after that and leave them in for another 15 minutes. Allow to cool completely, or they will come apart when you remove from the cookie sheet. Enjoy!

Mama Bear Syndrome: The Fierce and Unrelenting Need to Protect Your Children

Because we are a "blended family" (the newer, nicer way to refer to what used to be called dysfunctional family), I have the pleasure, or rather, the challenge of trying to keep the peace between my husband and the birth mother of my two oldest children. With all due respect to her, she has had many challenges of her own and has many times, over the course of our four years of being a family, been less than reliable (to put it nicely). Unfortunately, our views of what is appropriate when it comes to diet and t.v. viewing are often at odds with hers. The upside to this is that, because the children live with us full time, this is not a concern we have to deal with more than once or twice a month. Another down side that we've found, though, is that a lot of damage can be done in one over night visit.
Our oldest son, who will be 7 in October, has always been a good sleeper until recently. Over the summer, he has been crawling into bed with our daughter, 8, almost every night. We have tried everything to keep him in his bed all night. It seems to be getting worse, though, to the point that, minutes after he is tucked in, he's gotten his favorite pillow, blanket, and doggie and is sneaking across the hall. I had to put him in bed 5 times last night. I finally asked him if there was some reason that he refused to stay in bed lately. This is not the first such conversation, but he usually give me a shrug and an "I dunno." I pressed the matter and said that I needed to know why. This is how I discovered the latest in a long line of issues occurring when they visit their other mother. They were made to watch a horror movie. I started to name this movie, but thought better of it, because I'm a firm believer in not glorifying such negative things with any more attention than they might have.  If you keep up with cinema, this is a recently released to DVD horror film, rated PG-13, is about a family being harrassed by demonic possession. I looked up a review on Parent Previews, since I have no intention of watching it, because this site gives fairly detailed accounts of content, broken down into categories (violence, sexual content, language, etc.) and I wanted to know with what, exactly, we were dealing.
Now, my husband and I have to figure out how to keep this from happening again. I'll spare you the details. Here is where I rant. The previous was just for your information, so that you can understand the title of this post and what I'm about to say...

Are you crazy?! How dare you subject our children, MY children, to such horrific images, not to mention the other movies we have heard about in the past, with foul language and violence and considered just completely innapropriate by 99.9% of the world with any kind of standards! They are so impressionable at this age, with wildly active imaginations that take those images and run laps in their little minds. I litterally feel like I could sprout claws and let loose a howling growl towards the sky. My babies should not have to be afraid of their own rooms and every shadow out the window. I'm so furious right now, I could shake a tree.
However, I am a Christian and therefore commanded to forgive. I am also commanded to love unconditionally. It's not easy on days like this, so I remember that I Cor. 13:5 says that love "is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]." This will be my mantra today. By the way, another good site for reviews is Plugged In, which gives you the same, plus from a Christian point of view. I didn't check it first, because I assumed they wouldn't have reviewed this movie. Upon closer inspection, they did have a very thorough and insiteful review.

Celebrating the Oops in the Bathroom

Always on the move.

So, if you've read my blog, you know my youngest is 2 1/2. We tried potty training several months ago and, 6 new pairs of undies, a training seat and a mini potty later, we decided he wasn't quite there yet. It's a tough call because every child is so different, but I tried not to stress about it, remembering that we didn't even attempt to potty train my oldest son until he was at least 2 1/2. However, we have a new reason to try to master this skill. If due dates are to be believed, then our newest addition to the family is arriving exactly 3 days before Declyn turns three! I'm not one to rush him, but he is developing more understanding each day and thought it would be prudent to at least give him a chance. Yesterday was day 1 of "Potty Training: The Sequel." This time was much different, as Declyn went for long stretches with no accidents, as opposed to last time where I set a 15 minute timer and about 3 minutes after I pulled him off the potty, we had a mess.
Now, to this morning. After he woke up, I gave him time to eat, then put him on the potty. We got out some "Big Boy Pants" with a T-Rex picture on them. We discussed coming back to the potty if he needed. Fast forward 45 minutes and I hear the toilet lid hitting the tank repeatedly. Realizing after a quick head count who's missing, I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. Declyn stood there, in a puddle, next to the toilet, trying to put his potty seat in place. Awesome!!! Not that he had an accident, of course, but that he went to the bathroom to do it. I praised him and told him I was so proud that he knew to run to the bathroom. I reminded him to let Mommy help next time. We got cleaned up and danced around, "What a big boy!" I've never been so happy to clean up a puddle.

You Know That One Lady In The Store With The Loud Kid & Frayed Nerves?

  Well, today it was me! The morning started off fairly well, but somewhere around 11:30, this train veered wildly off track and I'm just now recovering. It actually started to unravel last night. However,  just like that one annoying thread that you think will break off if you pull it just right, then in a matter of seconds your shirt needs a new hem, that was this morning. My mother's air conditioner stopped working around 8 last night, so we made arrangements for an HVAC service to come this morning and I was to let them into the house. I got a confirmation call this morning at 8:30 saying to expect the tech by mid-morning. I thought, "Great! I need to go to the store and I'll still be able to do that when the tech leaves."
  I'm sure at this point, my eternal optimism (or naivete) is painfully obvious. I know these things rarely go as planned, but I thought they would today. When no tech by 11:30 I called and found out he'd been delayed. OBVIOUSLY! They said he was about half an hour away. He did show and he fixed the problem, but the whole thing took until 1:30, and was a major distraction from our usual routine of lunch and nap. So, here I go loading my three children into the car during the hottest part of the day and sans nap-time. Oh, side note, my two year old is also feeling under the weather. Fast forward to 3pm, where we are standing at the checkout, my nerves are shot and my two year old, normally quite well behaved, has reached his sell-by-date. My daughter and oldest son are cranky and fidgety, while the ruler of the pack, is climbing out of the cart and causing a scene that I never believed would involve me.
  And now, my apology, to every other mother I judged so harshly, because she had unruly children or seemed overwhelmed. I am sorry. You never know the whole story and now I've had a large piece of humble pie for my afternoon snack.