When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Wilted Kale

I failed to start the bread machine yesterday morning, so we didn't have much bread for lunch. I had other options, but it would have meant repeating a recent meal. I decided to get a little crazy. I sliced the bread as thinly as I could, then quartered it, to make tiny little slices. I then piled on roasted turkey, turkey bacon, sharp cheddar and baby spinach...twice! I broke a couple of skewers in half, since tooth picks were too small. Ta-da! Little turkey club stacks with a sneaky bit of leafy goodness. The kids were so excited by the presentation, they ate the whole thing with out snubbing the salad.

Today, I started to get out some salad and top it with tuna. Edyn made a face about the tuna and while my first instinct was to say, "Get over it," I started looking at the fridge and the wheels turned in a different direction. I had bought some kale to experiment with and hadn't tried wilting it yet. There's no time like today, so I heated my saute pan with olive oil threw in done chopped onions, then in with the kale. For any kale novices, I take the center rib out. I read that if eating it raw in salad, you take the rib out, so I thought I should here as well. It is very firm, so I was concerned it wouldn't wilt. Once the kale wilted and softened, I threw spinach in and let it wilt briefly. Mean while, in another pan, I crisped some turkey bacon. I chopped it up and threw it in with a dash of vinegar and topped it all of with shredded parmesan.

The Process

In my last part I talked about the road to more natural and healthy living. Here's a confession: my desire for keeping the budget and my strong belief in the "waste not, want not" philosophy has delayed our change over to 100% real food all the time. I just don't have it in me to completely empty our pantry of everything in a box or can. We have a few dwindling items, like canned tuna, beans, instant potatoes and instant macaroni and cheese. Many of these items have been given to us and the rest are just leftovers from our "survival mode" days while my hands were full with the new baby. I also have several pounds of white flour and sugar that I'm whittling down. Long story short, I'm trying to use these items here and there, while introducing more fresh and home made meals in between.
Tonight, I sauteed some chicken breast with garlic and Italian seasoning and wrapped it in a tortilla with parmesan and spinach. At least that is what my husband took to work for dinner. It was a bit of a stretch for the kids, although we could have made it work. Then, I decided to let loose and use up a box of macaroni! However, I could never make it per the instructions and still respect myself in the morning. Instead, I threw in the butter, and instead of milk, I added some ranch dressing, some chopped turkey bacon, some of my Italian chicken breast and a dash of parmesan. My only regret is not tossing in some spinach to make a more complete meal. Huge hit! We called it chicken club Mac n cheese and every one cleaned his/her bowl.
Now for the real fun...I don't have any popsicle trays, but that would not stop me. I mixed up some Jello (another hanger-on in the pantry) and I poured equal portions into snack size zipper bags. I then folded the bags over, making sure all the Jello lined the bottom of the bag. To help form a popsicle shape, I gently wrapped the extra bag under the bottom, so the Jello couldn't spread out in the freezer. Finally, I stuck them in the freezer and hoped for something fun. What happened was perfection. Once the "zipper pops" were frozen solid, I could peel the bag away and the kids used the bag to hold the popsicle, like a wrapper. I am more excited about trying this method with other recipes, like mixed yogurt and fruit. Jello just happened to be in the pantry, so it made the trial run for us.

Trial and, Sometimes, Awesome!!

This is my lavender scented olive oil. You can see a purple band
around the neck...this is a twist tie I put on to avoid any mix-ups
in the kitchen! A pretty ribbon would also work,
and be more aesthetically pleasing. 

I started really reading labels a few years ago and found that, even with an A in college chemistry, I don't recognize most of what I find in our every day foods or toiletries. So, I am slowly trying to integrate new habits and move toward a much more natural, and healthier lifestyle. Last year, I started using extra virgin olive oil for a moisturizer in place of lotion. What? You mean, the kind that you use for cooking?  Yes, that exact same one. I just bought an extra bottle to keep in the bathroom. It doesn't spread as easily as lotion, and takes longer to soak in, so you want to allow more time before you get dressed if you decide to try it. The benefits are that your skin stays soft without all the chemical conditioners that actually interrupt your skins natural absorption and regeneration. Your body should, ideally, have everything inside it necessary  to keep its balance. Ideally is the key word.
WARNING: SOAP BOX ALERT!  We don't eat well now days and, with all the beverage choices, we certainly don't drink enough water. So, instead of changing those habits, we come up with ways to treat the side effects of an generally unhealthy life style. Ok, now I'm done ranting. I am not pointing any fingers, because we are still a long way from where we need to be. It's a process.
Back to the olive oil. I decided that just smelling like an Italian restaurant wasn't enough. Also, it made me want fresh bread all the time, whatever that was about. So, I decided to experiment with adding fragrance. Still keeping to all natural and DIY theories, I headed off to the local natural food shop. After a few minutes of essential oil heaven (me standing in the isle and sniffing all of my favorites), I came back to reality and recognized that I was not ready to spend between $10 and $30 for a tiny bottle of smelly oil for an experiment. Then, I moved to the bulk dried goods and found that dried lavender and rose petals, among others, were rather inexpensive. The price per pound was negligible when you consider that even half a pound of dried flowers is a big bag full! I took my bag of lavender and went to Wal-Mart. There I bought a package of cheese cloth, which is sold in pre-cut lengths of 4 yards. I googled how to fragrance olive oil and found several options, but I'll share what I found to be the easiest. I came home, opened a new bottle of olive oil and spooned the lavender buds directly into the bottle. I was so excited, I didn't really think it through. I then closed the bottle tightly and put it in my dark pantry for ten days. Those ten days felt like an eternity! After opening the bottle, it smelled good, but I wanted more, so back in for another ten days. Bingo! It smelled fantastic! Now, when I realized I had to get all the lavender out of the bottle, I recognized my folly. Next time, I'll pour the oil into a wide mouth, air right container. However, I was not giving up. I poured the oil into a large glass bowl that I had double lined with cheese cloth inside of a strainer. Then came the messy prospect of pulling up the edges of the cloth, gathering it and wringing out the oil. Once I was satisfied that I had every precious drop I could get, I took an empty olive oil bottle that I had saved, made a funnel out of wax paper and slowly ladled the lavender oil into the bottle. It was so worth it! I just found that first bottle I made this morning, still half full. When everything  happened with my last pregnancy and I suddenly had to stay off my feet, my routine went out the window. I fell back to old, convenient habits. What I realized this morning is that, after a year of sitting (inside a dark green bottle) it smells as good as ever!
Now, for those less adventurous, go buy your favorite scent in an essential oil and just slowly add a few drops to the oil at a time until you reach the fragrance for which you are trying. You can also use sweet almond oil or jojoba oil, which are suppose to scent well and be nourishing to the skin. My mom has used coconut oil also, which has its own delicious scent. You wild-at-hearts like me, if you want to experiment like I did, here are a few tips:
1. Get an airtight, wide mouth container, glass, not metal. A large canning jar would work.
2. Choose your scenting agent, herbs or flowers, but dried. I've learned by using fresh rose petals that the added moisture can cause mold.
3. Cut about 3 layers of cheese cloth and make a sashay, or think tea bag, with the scenting agent in the middle, gather the edges and tie tight with string, so that you have a little pouch.
4. Buy a funnel!
5. Have a dark, glass bottle for the finished oil washed and sterilized with boiling water. You want to sterilize to ward of any bacteria that can lead to mold. If your bottle is clear, plan on storing it in a dark cabinet, because light and heat are the enemy with  fragrances.
6. Place your sashay into the wide mouth container, pour your oil over it, close the lid and put it away in a dark place for at least 20 days, longer if you have the patience. The longer it sits, the more fragrant the outcome.
7. When it is time, you can squeeze out the sashay and have scented oil, ready to funnel into the storage jar.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I have! Next, I'd like to try rosemary and mint, or maybe almond and vanilla. I would like to experiment more and then make some up for gifts. I will be sure to take pictures each step of the way and post them ASAP.

The Gift of Giving

Today my husband was showing me a new apparel website he found that sends  proceeds to a support program for military families. It reminded me of another site I had heard about that sells lounge pants and tee shirts made by women rescued from forced prostitution. We talked about how we both would rather have a gift purchased from one of these sites than any thing else. Then, I had an idea. What if we decided, from now on, that we as a family would only give each other gifts that somehow helped some one else? Maybe I should buy one of the tee shirts from Wounded Warrior Project for Rich's birthday instead of a book, CD,  tools, etc. He could buy my favorite lounge pants from Punjammies. What if we made the commitment to always make a difference, even one dollar at a time, in the world around us? Did you know that you can buy a cow, a goat or a chicken for a needy family on the other side of the world? I would love to get that for Christmas: "This cow, that will feed a hungry family for six months, had been donated in your name." Just a thought. Here are some ideas:

To help feed hungry families you can try:
www.heifer.org/
www.oxfamamerica.org
www.dinnergarden.org

Or, if you like tangibles, you can buy t-shirts, hats, etc. and still get money to someone in need:
www.punjammies.com
www.rogueamericanapparel.com
www.woundedwarriorproject.org
www.shopforcharitynow.com
www.toms.com
www.joinred.com

I'm sure there are more out there. Please, feel free to share any that you like. We would love to hear more ideas about giving and making a difference as a family.

Uh oh...Now What?

Well, this morning I thought I'd be nice and make pancakes for breakfast. When I told the kids, they were ecstatic. Then I realized, as I was mixing up the dry ingredients, that I had run out of baking powder. I'm still no expert, but my guess is that leaving out the baking powder would decrease the "cake" part of pancakes significantly. So I Google "out of baking powder" and found several links explaining that you may substitute two parts cream of tartar and one part baking soda. The caution with this substitution is that you must use it immediately, because the chemical reaction when added to the wet ingredients is temporary. This matters little if you are baking or preparing right away, but you wouldn't want to save left over batter or prepare ahead. Anyway, we had vanilla oatmeal pancakes and they were so thick and fluffy, I may use the "home made" baking powder from now on, at least in pancake batter. I haven't baked anything with it yet, so that will be my next experiment. Tune in next time for more "uh oh" quick fixes!

Men, Don't Read Further

No, that was not a ploy to get you guys to read this post. It was a warning that I'm about to get real with all my ladies out there who may relate. So, do yourself a favor and go look at ESPN or something and leave us girls to talk, or else you'll ruin the illusion that your wives are just effortlessly beautiful and good at their roles as wives/mothers naturally and everything goes smoothly when you aren't looking.
Anyway, we are on day four of our new, trial schedule. It has gone pretty well so far, except for our evenings, which we are going to have to iron out a little more. So, on day three, I was feeling like a champ and by 9, the older kids had gone out for a brief bit of fresh air. Ella fell asleep for her usual mid-day nap and I thought, "Yes, maybe twenty minutes!" I told the kids to keep it down since she was asleep and I jumped in the shower. Oh to have a moment to shower without a)someone flushing the toilet, b)a three year old barging in c)a baby fussing at me to hurry... It was so exciting! Also, very daring, since I rarely get me time when the sun is up.  
So, I turn on the hottest shower I can stand. I get out my Dead Sea mineral mask and slather all over my face and neck. I lather up my hair and leave the shampoo on, just because it feels good to take my time. I lather up and shave one leg, without even cutting myself. I lather the other leg and then it happened...the first whimper. I froze, almost as if caught in the act of eating ice cream out of the container. Then, when there was silence, I went about trying to shave again, for at least 10 more seconds. Barely finished, this time with a few nicks and here came the siren: that sad whaling from the baby monitor that says, "I'm awake for real this time. I'm not going to go back to sleep, no matter how much you hope, so get in here before I start in with the real hysterics!" Ugh! I love ya, kid, but I'm still covered in mud mask and shampoo! Needless to say, my anticipated twenty minutes was a mere twelve.  It was a miracle that I got all the mud off and didn't end up scaring little girl when I picked her up, still shower fresh and hair in a towel. 
I hope this story does not offend anyone's sense of propriety, but I figured it might make someone laugh. I had to laugh at my own optimism. 

Homeschool: Day One

Ok, we're not actually doing any school work today. This is just the first day trying out our routine. I woke the kids at 7. They got dressed, straightened rooms and made beds. If they had time left over, they read their Bibles while waiting for breakfast at 7:30. After breakfast, we had a quick devotion, then I allowed an hour for chores. We kept the TV off all morning, which was so nice. I wanted to give us a couple of weeks to get into this habit, that way we could start our school day at 9am. I am so excited by the prospect of our new found freedom outside of the traditional school day, which took up 8 hours. Of course, this is our first year, so we are keeping our minds open, trying to keep our expectations realistic.
My main goal, other than to meet the educational needs of each of my kids individually, is to make this school year completely different from our experiences in the past. It seems like, since my children first started school, our afternoons have been hectic, stressful and less productive than we'd have liked. Every day we had 5 hours from 3pm to bed time, but it never felt like enough. I always fought for balance between allowing the kids a chance to decompress from 8 hours of school, without losing them to the afternoon slump. Snack, homework, chores, dinner, bath, bedtime...oh, and did we leave out some not-so-quality family time? I struggled to enforce chores and homework at times, because frankly, my heart wasn't in it. It didn't help that the school my kids were in didn't have any accountability for homework. They stopped buying text books so the kids only had worksheets and busy work sent home. As far I could tell after 3 years, no one noticed if the kids completed their homework and no one cared if their handwriting was legible. The main focus the school had was studying for the annual standardized tests. They spent months in advance working on how to fill in the circles, how to solve multiple choice questions, etc. not to further my children's education, but to reach a certain standard in test scores for the state.
Needless to say, I am looking forward to much nicer evenings, where I can go back to enjoying the act of cooking dinner, without feeling like a task master the whole time. I can't wait to do some actual school work,  utilize our time on the fundamentals, then walk away from it for the afternoon and go to the grocery store, the park, the library or wherever we want without feeling like there is something else we should be doing. So, I'm counting today as day one, and so far, it's really great to look at the clock, see it is almost 3pm, and not have a feeling of dread!

Hello, World!!

Once again, I have been so busy that I have failed to fit blogging into my schedule. I am making a resolution, though, to get back on the horse, or something like that! I have been inspired by some really great pages on Facebook, and now, with our next adventure on the horizon, I feel like sharing again. We are buying ten acres in the country, building a house and looking for every way to make the land pay for itself. We will be growing as much of our produce as we can, keeping free range laying hens for fresh eggs, raising grass-fed cattle for meat and milk, and my dream is to also board horses. Of course, it is a process and nothing will happen overnight, but our family is so excited!
So, our summer is in full swing and it has been in the high 90's until evening. Because of this, I have been challenges to make meals without heating up the house. I still want to do as much from scratch, and as economically, as possible. Yesterday was our big, biweekly shopping trip, then last night we were busy until late, so today I was feeling less than excited about making breakfast. I thought about oatmeal, since it's pretty quick and easy. The drawback is that my daughter just almost won't eat it. Then, I had an idea that saved the day, and me from standing on my feet over a hot stove.
I only use old fashion rolled oats. It doesn't take much more time to prep, and it goes much further. We have used Irish oatmeal, which is awesome and even better for you, but it is a bit labor intensive and I can't really spend most of an hour making breakfast. Maybe when my kids are older and less needy. Anyway, this morning I remembered how much we loved the instant oatmeal with all the fruit growing up, and my kids used to love it, before I decided that it was full of sugar and pretty expensive! I came up with our own, very tasty version. I cooked the oatmeal per the directions, but I chopped up strawberries and threw them in while it was cooking. As the berries warmed, they naturally broke down a bit and sweetened the oatmeal. To finish, I just added a touch more sugar and some milk for that extra creamy texture. This was so easy, but it was a big hit with all the kids. This may not seem like a true revelation, but it helped us start our day off happy. 

Coming Up For Air

Our bright-eyed little girl, always
 alert and trying to figure us out.

Wow! I never meant to let it go so long, but the days all bled together until I realized it's been almost three months since my last post! Things have been a little hectic around here. We have had quite an adjustment since little Ella came home. She had several issues with her reflux, lots of spitting up and a few rather startling choking incidents. I can speak about it now, because she is doing very well, but in the moment, in the wee hours of the morning, it was very scary! The kids were all so excited to have her home, but that certainly didn't mark the return to normal. Because she slept about two hours at a time, I slept even less because by the time I fed her, burped her, held her upright for at least 30 minutes, then got her down to sleep, I still had another twenty minutes of pumping for her next feeding before I got to rest. That was only the first few weeks, though, because we finally learned how to nurse! Thank God, because that changed our whole relationship. Plus, it meant that she swallowed less air and had fewer digestive issues, and I could sleep when she slept. The kids became very accustomed to Mom sleeping on the couch with Ella sleeping on my chest. They just went about there day whenever we both passed out. My beloved oldest, Edyn, has really stepped up her game. She loves to make breakfast (oatmeal or cereal) and lunch (hot dogs) whenever she can. She just turned nine and would prefer to no longer be considered a kid, so any of the "grown-up" tasks that she can take on, she's glad to do it. I try not to take advantage, but it is good to foster that nurturing spirit in her. She will hold the baby for me sometimes when I'm making dinner. In her words, "this is my heaven." Edyn will be an excellent mother.
Cayde also wants desperately to hold Ella and has gotten to several times, but because of her fussing and discomfort as her reflux has continued, its difficult for him to enjoy her. He has been a trooper to grab a rag or blanket and try to offer her passy whenever asked. Declyn wants to hold her and love on her, but is still learning that she is delicate and his enthusiasm is sometimes overwhelming for her. He tells me all day how he loves her, her tiny feet and hands and nose, and his first question when he wakes up is always "how's that baby doing?" He does ask me sometimes if I can put her down to help him with something. This is heartbreaking, because I know he misses having my undivided attention.
Recently, we have had a breakthrough. We have found a homeopathic medicine that helps with Ella's tummy troubles and it just came in the mail yesterday. Last night, although she woke up to nurse twice, she immediately went to sleep after and didn't cry once all night. We actually slept in and barely got the kids to school on time! For those of you interested, it's called Colic Calm. I was ecstatic to find it online and after reading several reviews on the home site and also on Amazon, I order two bottles.
So, while I can't promise a completely normal schedule, I'm very optimistic today. Well, today is the first day I felt I had the time and energy to blog, so that's something!

And Now...The Rest Of The Story

Edyn and Cayde, holding Declyn as a newborn, in 2009.

All three, much bigger, riding a turtle sculpture,
last fall.

While Ella has been the focus of my recent posts, she's only the most recent addition to our family. It would be inaccurate to tell only her part of the story. When I was first put on bed rest, it was like a call to arms. With an army of adults rushing to our aide, Edyn, Cayde and Declyn had a daily decision to make: to join or not join. Most of the time it was at least two out of three, but not always the same two.
The kids all knew that Ella was coming, that she was a "she" and that we would be expecting her in February. So, it has been difficult to explain concepts like hypertension, bed rest, premature delivery, etc. They are very smart, though, and capable of rolling with the punches most of the time. It never quite sunk in that I wasn't supposed to be up, getting snacks, checking their chores, tucking them in... I often felt like I was hurting their feelings by saying "No, I can't do that, but you can ask_________." Declyn seemed to adapt better in the beginning, though. He loves to cuddle with me and loved to rub my pregnant belly and talk to Baby Ella. He continued to do this, almost like he was happy to take whatever he could get. Edyn, my oldest and a classic first child, was eager to jump in with things she thought were fun, like making dinner with Uncle Marc and helping with Declyn. However, like any normal 8 year old going on 15, she realized that other not-so-exciting-tasks needed to be done, like dishes and laundry. Cayde pretty much acted like nothing had changed. Things went on almost without interruption, until I was admitted into the hospital. Then, with my husband at my side, my brother truly took over as the full time caregiver. Marc brought them up to the hospital the first night, so they could see me and I could try to explain what was happening. It was hard for all of us. I wanted to show them that I was fine and reassure them about Ella. Declyn had been with us all day, so he was getting testy. Edyn had questions that seemed beyond her years, specifically about my blood pressure and the baby. Cayde cried. Remember, he's the one that acted like nothing had changed. He's also the most sensitive of them all. My Cayde is this loud, funny, rough-and-tumble boy, but he's also the one that feels everything the deepest. You just wouldn't know it until he opens up. I held him and told him it would be alright. Then, my Mom took them home to bed. So, we were in a holding pattern until Ella was born. I saw the kids every other day. We filled the gap by talking on the phone, and at nap and bedtimes, I got a special phone call from Declyn, so that I could sing his good night songs.
When the news that Ella was born reached the kids, it was very anticlimactic, because they weren't able to see her. The baby sister that Edyn has been dreaming about, that Cayde has been curious to see, that Declyn has been talking to, the full size baby that we were to meet in February, came out too small and early. We had her 6 days before Christmas, but it was like a big Christmas surprise that no one could open. The kids couldn't even look at her through a window, because she was in NICU. We showed them pictures, but it's hard for a kid to get excited about a picture. In the mean time, I was finally discharged home. Things were far from back to normal. With twice a day trips to the hospital that, because of gas consumption, turned into me spending seven hours a day gone, it's like not being home. I leave mid-morning and get home just before dinner. The kids have taken it all in stride and, at least now, I can tuck them in at night. A week ago, I was allowed to take Edyn with me for a visit. We dubbed it our first girls' night with Ella, since my husband and the other boys stayed home. Edyn was so fascinated by her, touching her little hands and asking questions. Then, I took Edyn for a frosty and fries. It was nice to have some time alone with her. I know it was good for us both. Edyn finally got excited about her new sister.
Cayde broke my heart by telling my brother that he was sure he wouldn't be allowed to touch Ella because everyone kept telling him to settle down and be gentle while I was pregnant. So, I took him aside and told him how important he would be as an older brother and protector. I explained that in the beginning we would have to be very gentle, the way we are with eggs so we don't crack the shells. A little light bulb went on and I think he's a bit less apprehensive about this tiny thing coming home. He wasn't happy about Edyn going with me to meet Ella without him, but I told him he was just too young.
Declyn still tells me he loves my belly! It's funny, because my belly is shrinking. One day last week, though, he was looking at my belly and asked to see my "boo-boo" (we showed the kids my incision). When I showed him my now healing scar, he asked again what happened. I explained that the boo-boo was how we were able to get Ella out. He became very offended and demanded to know why we took her out. My husband and I made eye contact across the room, then we very gently explained that I was sick and Ella needed to come early. Then we reminded him that she was too little to come home, that she would stay at the hospital until she ate enough to get bigger. He accepted this explanation, as he accepts almost everything we tell him. Thank you, Jesus! He's at the age now where he will accept most anything we tell him as the final word.
Thankfully, throughout most of this experience, Rich has been off of work. Once I came home, he was able to resume full-time parenting and things at home came closer to routine. We are about to lose him to work, this next Monday. Edyn and Cayde will be back at school tomorrow, so that leaves Declyn and me. We will have to do some creative scheduling starting next week. I'm sure it will involve Uncle Mom again. The only thing of which we can be certain: this is all temporary. We will get back to normal, or rather, the new normal, where we are truly a family of six.

A New Year's Resolution I Can Get Behind

Daddy got to hold her for only the
2nd time last night.

Kangaroo care.

Caught her smiling today.

Yesterday, I went to my 11am appointment with Ellowyn and found a bottle warmed and ready. I was apprehensive, because last time we tried a bottle feeding, she sputtered and choked and held her breath, causing her heart rate to drop, along with her oxygen saturation. I have to add that those are normal set-backs, because of her age and development. The pediatrician said it was fine and not to rush. That was on the 29th. So, yesterday, I gingerly offered her the bottle and she started sucking it down, swallowing it like a pro! It was like she'd resolved to learn to eat like a big girl this year. She got down over half of her bottle, then passed out, like a toddler face plants in a plate of spaghetti. Then, today we tried again, and she managed to take her whole meal from the bottle. I am so proud of my little girl.
The other fun development in our routine is once a day kangaroo care, or skin-to-skin contact. In the evening, when Ella tends to be more drowsy, I get to hold her against my chest. She is undressed to her diaper, so that we are "skin-to-skin." This is more than just a bonding exercise. Research has shown that kangaroo care actually stabilizes a baby's heart rate and respiration, while aiding in brain development. It also helps baby grow because while snuggling with mom for a nap, a baby's body doesn't have to work as hard to stay warm and burns fewer calories. Kangaroo Care, offered by the Cleveland Clinic is a great source for more information.
It made me a little nervous the first time we tried it, because Ella seemed unsure of the point, and took a little while to settle down and get comfortable. I just knew she was going to start crying and call the whole thing off. Then, she suddenly stopped moving and I realized she'd fallen asleep. It was so precious and now she seems perfectly happy to snuggle up with Mama. Everyday is a new experience for us both, and the speed at which she is growing is almost shocking. I am still curious to see how she transitions to coming home. I want her to be happy and feel safe when she gets here. I don't want her routine to be too disrupted, but I'm not sure how to avoid it. Our house isn't exactly quiet. But I am trying to subtly introduce elements in her current environment that can be part of her new one. My aunt and cousin bought this precious little, plush lamb that plays different soothing sounds. I took it this morning and put it in her isolette and turned it on after I put her back to bed. I did it again when I saw her this evening. I thought maybe, if she becomes familiar with the sounds from her little lamb, then maybe that same noise will make her comfortable at home. The nurses and doctor say that it's usually at their original term age, or 37 weeks, before preterm babies are ready to go home. Ella is officially 35 weeks today, so that's really just around the corner. As of this afternoon, she had gained half a pound from her birth weight, bringing her to 3lb 13oz. Also, she has grown three inches, to a whopping 17 inches long! Who grows 3 inches in two weeks? That's my miracle baby.

Stranger In A Strange World

Ella's nurse, Dora, trying to get a Christmas picture for us.
That's her thumb in the lower left corner!

A better look at her Christmas outfit, with Dora
holding and me behind the camera.

Ella today, with bright eyes and pretty jammies.

My daughter, who is now at a gestational age of 34 weeks and 3 days, or 10 days old, is handling things much better than I. In fact, Ella hasn't met a challenge she couldn't overcome. She is now 3lbs 9.6oz, which is almost 5oz past her birth weight. In just over a week, that's a lot. I am thrilled by her progress. Every day it seems that she has developed more; her eyelashes came in, her cheeks are filling out, her forehead wrinkles, her thighs are no longer stick thin. She is literally growing before our eyes! Because she would be sleeping and fattening up if she were still in utero, it is important to stick as closely to that environment as possible. In order to do this, she spends roughly 22 hours of her day in a heated, clear, plastic box, sleeping on what looks a bit like a nest. It's a pad with the head slightly elevated and this nice little bumper around her, holding her snugly in place, somewhat like when she was in my belly. She has a tiny little tube, called a nasogastric or NG tube, inserted in her nose that goes into her stomach. This is how she is fed every three hours, except for once a day when we give her a bottle. When she is able to finish a bottle without any difficulty, we will go to two, then three bottle feedings per day. Once she masters the three bottles, we will attempt nursing. Everything is very carefully planned out by the pediatrician and nurses in the NICU. I learn something new every day. I get to go to the hospital each day at 11am and 5pm to hold her for about an hour during her meal time. These are the few moments for which I live, just to breathe her in and touch her tiny hands.

It's the rest of my 22 hours that are a struggle. I'm about to be brutally honest, because I'm hoping that to get it on record might be therapeutic, but also in case anyone has a similar experience. Ella was taken by c-section. The correct terminology is "delivered" but it truly feels like she was taken. In my head, I know it was medically necessary and the best thing for both of us. My heart isn't completely on board. In the short time since she was born, I have lost my baby bump, almost completely. This may sound like a good thing, because what is the big goal for most moms with new babies? Losing the baby weight! Under normal circumstances, you would not hear me complain. Somehow it feels wrong, though, to not even look like I had a baby, to bear almost no physical evidence of her. On the under side of my wrist, where the I.V. was secured with tape, there is still a dark smudge of adhesive. I started to scrub it off, but it again feels like erasing signs of my experience. I am planning to nurse, and thankfully, I am having no problem in that area. I have to pump several times a day, then take the milk to the NICU for Ella's feedings. It's not normal to get up late at night to feed a pump. I do it for her. I'm thankful to do it. It's just that none of this feels normal.
I don't feel normal. I'm missing something. I have this really large hole in my heart, that can only begin to heal when I get my girl home. I'm not saying I cry all the time, although on days 7 and 8, I cried several times, without any real prompting. My husband was very understanding, stopped asking if I was OK and just hugged me. I awoke yesterday and felt much better. Then half way through the day, I felt guilty for feeling better. It doesn't make sense, but it was how I felt. My mother, my husband, my pastor's wife, even my doctor, have all told me that to cry is normal. That in our current situation, having gone through what we have, it would be more concerning if I was unaffected. That gives me momentary comfort. My crying is apparently the only normal thing about this situation. It isn't normal for a baby to breathe air at 33 weeks. It isn't normal for her to be in a little box instead of safely inside me. It isn't normal for her to be safer in that box than she was inside me. I am so very thankful that she's doing well, that we live in a place with such a wonderful hospital, that they were fully equipped to care for both of us. I don't want to sound depressed or ungrateful. I just feel so strange. I think that it's good, though, to feel strange. I think that when one's missing a child, strange is normal. And I think that the world will seem strange to me until I can hold her for more than an hour, and kiss her face, and hug her to my breast, and sing her to sleep.
I have stood on my faith in God and His unfailing love from the first day of this adventure. Though now, more than ever, I am falling on His grace and finding peace in His arms, until I feel less strange.

My Daughter, The Prizefighter

This is Tuesday night, the first time I was allowed to hold her.

She is breathing on her own, assisted only by a small cannula of oxygen in her nose.

Ellowyn is a truly remarkable young lady, at only 3 days old. On the first day, she came out swinging, or rather, kicking and screaming. On the first day, she was off of the C-pap (a forced-air mask to remind her to breathe) and wearing only a nasal cannula, which you see in the picture. On day two, we were able to start feeding her breast milk. We did attempt to feed her by mouth, but that is something we will keep trying over the next two weeks, while her swallow reflex develops. The bright side is, though, that she is still taking in, and tolerating the breast milk through her gastric tube. This is the BEST thing for her right now. Last night, over night, she was weened off the oxygen, so that today, she is breathing room air! She's spunky and feisty and I love it! Often in my life, people have tried to tell me what I couldn't do, and it really served only as  motivation. My daughter is the same. She won't be told that she has limitations. She won't sit quietly and accept what is handed out. Her nurse in the NICU told us she gets angry when they have to mess with her or move her around. I love it! That strength and fight is why she's going to keep surprising the people around her and why we'll have her home in record time. I am so honored to be part of her life. I'm so thankful that God entrusted her care with our family.

Welcome To The World!

Please, allow me to introduce Ellowyn Bryanne Jones, born at 12:45pm today, at 3 lb 5 oz and only 14.5 inches long. I know you can't see her face, but trust me...she's beautiful! At 33 weeks, we had a team of the best doctors and nurses and respiratory therapist all anxiously awaiting her, ready to intervene and help her take her first breath. They didn't get the chance. She cried the second Dr. Jones pulled her out. I could hear the surprise in his voice. She has refused to fall in with any statistics from day one, fighting every challenge and still exceeding expectations. She is now, in NICU, not in an incubator and not on a ventilator, but in a normal nursery bed with a heater, wearing a C-PAP, just to remind her to breathe. Praise God!

That Moment When You Know the Cake is Done, Before the Timer Goes Off

Watching the morning news...I never do that, but it's  passing the time.

That's what we're waiting for...for those of you who bake by instinct, like me, you understand exactly what I mean. I last wrote to you from my couch, where I'd been ordered to stay until further notice. Since then, a lot has happened very quickly. I was a good girl for three weeks, laying down most of the time while everyone in my family tried to fill in for me. I must say that I'm so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and the unhesitating manner in which my family rose to the challenge. When I asked my younger brother if he could come help and play Uncle Mom, he never once complained or acted as if he had anything else he's rather be doing. My Mom worked all day and then came straight over to help in the evenings while my husband was working, and backing up my brother.
So, that went on for almost a month, which is hard to believe in hindsight, as it went by so quickly. Then, my husband brought me in for an ultrasound and to update my doctor on how the bed rest was working to bring my blood pressure down. We sat in the dimly lit ultrasound room, chatting pleasantly with the technician doing the exam. She seemed to get more focused and quiet, then she said that the Radiologist would be in as soon as he looked at the pictures. I had a feeling...Then our wonderful radiologist came in to complete the exam, as usual. He is always so warm and funny, more like a good friend than a doctor. He's cared for us at every opportunity since my first pregnancy. He wasn't his usual, perky self. He started to explain the concerns and risks of my hypertension and that things didn't look like we wanted them to at this point. Ella is only a little over 3lbs, which is in 12th percentile for 32 weeks. He also said it looked as though the umbilical cord and placenta seemed compromised. I am paraphrasing, but basically, my whole body, including the part directly linked to Ellowyn's care and development, is over stressed. The immediate question became how much longer the baby was safer on the inside than she would be if we deliver by cesarean section.
The concerns of having a premature baby at 32 weeks are these: her lungs may not be fully developed, or prepared for the involuntary act of breathing as needed, she may not be prepared to eat by mouth or to swallow safely and she is literally skin and bones, without any subcutaneous fat layers to help her maintain her body heat. At least, those were the concerns on Wednesday, when this all swung into motion.
I was ordered to the hospital so that we could both be monitored. I have been given two steroid injections that are supposed to increase the surfactant on Ella's lungs, so that she'll be better able to breathe outside the womb. The ideal is to give at least 24 hours for the second dose to kick and start working. Friday at 4pm was that 24 hour mark. As of Thursday morning, Doctor Jones was not sure we would be able to wait that long. It's now Saturday, and praise the Lord, Ella is 32 weeks and 5 days. It doesn't sound like a big difference, but I'm told that every day she stays in my belly, is two days less she may need to stay in NICU.
We are just watching and waiting. My blood pressure has been up and down, but so far it hasn't hit the scary, "lets go to the O.R." mark and the baby is strong and her heart is beating loudly, telling everyone who enters the room that she's fine and feisty!
So, back to my title, I'm sitting in a hospital bed, with 8 days left until Christmas, waiting for the doctors to get the feeling that it's time. There is a tiny chance that, if my pressure would stabilize, I could even go home for Christmas, still pregnant! All your prayers are appreciated. We are at peace, knowing that every good thing comes from the Lord and that he is guiding every decision made on our behalf. Merry Christmas!!

Been Too Gone, For Too Long

Ellowyn Bryanne at 20 weeks.

So sorry that I haven't posted in awhile. I have been dealing with, or I should say, we as a family, have been dealing with some new challenges. The first, and now the least of these, was a broken oven. It broke 6 days before Thanksgiving. Because of warranty issues and the joy of having people who are not inconvenienced with a broken oven in charge of when and how the oven was replaced, we didn't get a new oven until late on Monday after Thanksgiving. Here's the funniest part...I haven't been able to use it yet. On that same Monday, I went to my OB doctor for a follow-up, since my blood pressure had been creeping higher over the past month. We had already tried two different medications and increased doses, to no avail. So, I came home from the doctor's office with a strict bed rest order and a threat of hospital admission if that didn't work. I'm very blessed because my family has rallied around and come to my rescue. I have a brother who travels with his job, but thankfully is off for a few months over the holidays. He has been so gracious as to come play Uncle-Mom and corral my children and help with dinners several days a week. My mom has been coming over after working all day to help until the kids get to bed. My husband has been working full-time, then on his days off, playing full-time Mr. Mom. My sister has been driving the kids to school. It's truly a family affair at my house these days, with me sitting on the couch, pretending to still be in charge.
Now, for those of you who are mothers, whether you work outside of your home or you are a full-time homemaker, I know you can understand how many simple tasks you perform, automatically, for your family that make the day easier. Or, if you're like me, you may not understand until you suddenly have to stop. I have sometimes thought of how much I could do with my time once the children are in school and I had my day to myself. I now realize that, even if at a sometimes leisurely pace, I still got a lot done everyday. Now, I sit around wondering if the kids have enough clean clothes for the week, if my husband has packed enough food for his lunch at work, has anyone fed the dogs, etc. Everyone is working so hard to fill in, but it's hard to explain every detail of my routine when I do it often without a second thought.
Well, as of this Monday, I'm 31 weeks along. So only 8-9 weeks to go, which sounds like an eternity. I am so grateful, though, for my doctor and my family. I'm also using this as a time to walk (figuratively) in faith, or as my pastor's wife put it, "Instead of leaning on Jesus, you need to lay on Jesus."
Truer words were never spoken, since I have to lay on my left side for the majority of the time. The praise report is, after a week and a half of bed rest and medication cocktail, my blood pressure has been normal again and so far, Baby Ella seems completely oblivious to my body's rebellion. Thank God, she is growing normally and very lively. In fact, she seems more active now that I'm less active. I wonder if she was being rocked to sleep while I ran around every day and now she's awake more often. I have more time to wonder these days.

The Happy Accident That Turned Out Delicious!

Last night I decided to try out a recipe I got from Giada at Home. I just love her and this sounded yummy and like something my family would enjoy. It was supposed to be Penne in Almond Sauce (I included the link so you can see original recipe). However, I miscalculated somewhere, had the wrong pasta and it turned out different than anticipated. The recipe calls for 2 cups of slivered almonds. Apparently, 2 cups of whole almonds is quite a bit more. The recipe also calls for 2 cups chicken broth. Instead of store bought, I used some that I had kept from another dinner and frozen. In hind sight, it occurs to me that mine was much thicker than the broth from a can. To clarify, the recipe instructs one to blend the broth, almonds, some garlic cloves and olive oil together. You are then to simmer this in a saute pan to thicken and reduce. What came out of my blender was already so thick that I nicknamed it almond hummus. I tried to thin it with some water as I heated it, but after adding the heavy cream, it was still so thick I had to ladle some out to make room to stir in the chicken. Also, I thought when I was shopping that I still had a box of penne at home. I was wrong, so last night I had to use spaghetti. What came out was what I will lovingly call Chicken Spaghetti in Almond Sauce. It was amazing! Even my picky two year old, who often survives on bird sized bites here and there, ate it up. So here's to accidents in the kitchen that result in yummy food, rather than small kitchen fires!

I would encourage you to try Giada's recipe, which we will try again, but if you're interested, here's my revised version:

Chicken Spaghetti with Almond Sauce
1 1/2 C. Almonds
3 Garlic Cloves
2 C. Chicken Broth (definitely use the store bought)
1/4 C. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
3/4 C. Heavy Cream
1/2 C. Water
1 lb Cooked Chicken, cut to bite size pieces
1 box Spaghetti
2 C. Parmesan, grated


Boil spaghetti according to directions. Puree the almonds, garlic, olive oil and chicken broth in a blender. Add water as needed. Heat over medium-high in a saute pan. Once heated through, reduce heat to medium and stir in the heavy cream and salt and pepper to taste. Add in chicken and heat until chicken warmed through. The original recipe called for peas as well, which sounds amazing but wouldn't have worked for my family. If you want to add in some frozen peas, add with the chicken. Once spaghetti is just cooked, drain and toss in 1 cup of the Parmesan. Toss pour on the almond sauce and toss to combine. Then add remaining Parmesan and toss. Serve quickly!

Love, Love, Love This Easy Ice Cream Recipe!

Too easy not to make it!

I was curious about making ice cream without an ice cream maker. So, I went to the library, meaning I Googled it. I knew there must be a way, and I'd seen different ideas on the Food Network, they were labor intensive, involving hours of scraping and hand churning. Well, I hit the jackpot! This blog, Kevin and Amanda.com, had the answer and it was only the third search result. I'll spare you the details and encourage you to read their blog, but I'll tell you of the two recipes I've tried so far. The basic recipe calls for one can Eagle brand sweetened condensed milk and one pint heavy whipping cream, whipped. The trick is to mix in any flavors or extras with the condensed milk, then fold in the whipped cream. Super easy! They have four different recipes on their blog, but I wanted to go for a family favorite, so first I tried mint chocolate chip. I put about a teaspoon of mint extract in with a roughly chopped chocolate bar. Then, after letting it freeze for a day, we all enjoyed it. I will warm you that the condensed milk has an almost nutty flavor, and I needed more mint to cover that.
So, for my next try, I crushed up 3/4 a package of whole Oreo sandwich cookies. I love getting bites of cookie, not just the flavor. This was perfect! It was delicious and cookie filled and a huge hit with everyone that tried it. The ice cream took on the flavor of the cream in the cookies and definitely disguised the Eagle brand taste. I'll warn you also that the recipe calls for at least 6 hours in the freezer, but it was my experience that both times it was better texturally and well frozen after a full day. Try it! You won't be sorry.

Family Favorite and Big Hit After Shelving Recipe For a Year

Pasta shells stuffed to the brim and drenched in Alfredo!

I pulled out an old favorite that my kids have been asking about for some time now. It is rare that they request anything but pizza or mac-n-cheese, so I do try to take them seriously when they want something real. I got the recipe from a magazine and tried it the way it was written the first time, three years ago. We decided it needed a lot of work, but wasn't worth abandoning altogether. So, after multiple variations, this is what we landed on, and what my picky children have asked for by name.

Stuffed Shells With Alfredo
1 Box of Pasta Shells (You can count out 20-22 shells, rather than cooking whole box, because I've only ever been able to fit up to 22 shells in a 9x13 baking dish)
5 Cans of Tuna or Salmon (use the pouches instead, to avoid any bones), drained
Handful of Chopped Cilantro
1/2 Red Onion, chopped
1 C Bread Crumbs
1 Lemon, juice of
1 Egg
1/2 C Shredded Mozzarella
1 Jar Prepared Alfredo Sauce (or your own home made, which is what we did this time)
Grated Parmesan

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Bring a pot of salted water to boil and cook the pasta, just to al dente. If it's too soft, then the shells tear and won't be easily stuffed. Once the pasta is cooked, drain the hot water and fill the pot with cool water. This will keep shells from sticking and drying out until you're ready for them. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients, except for the Alfredo. Mix until well blended. Pour a bit of Alfredo into a greased 9x13 baking dish and spread around to coat. Using a large spoon, scoop the stuffing into a pasta shell and place in the baking dish. Continue stuffing shells until your pan is full. Pour remaining Alfredo over the top of the shells. Finish with grated Parmesan. Bake at 425 for approx 20 minutes, or until sauce is bubbly and the cheese has browned slightly.

This was a major hit with my husband and my children. Plus, after not making it for so long, they were bound to love it, but they said this was the best it's ever turned out!

My Favorite Day So Far This Season

View from my front yard.

Driving down the block from my house.

Today is my biweekly shopping day. I awoke to a twenty degree drop in temperature since yesterday. It's cold and rainy and the sky is completely blanketed by grey gloom. I had three stores to hit up before coming back home to unload a trunk and back seat full of groceries, while dragging my two year old along. I looked outside as I was getting the kids out the door for school, and was immediately struck by how beautiful the day is! The grey and gloomy backdrop seems to brighten the red, orange and yellow of the fall leaves and the crisp chill in the air gives me a burst of energy. While my pictures from inside my car, behind the rain spattered windshield, can hardly do it justice, I had to try to capture the essence of the day. Inspiration struck and I had to act. I hope someone else is enjoying the day as much as I am!